There are many times this virtue seems just beyond my grasp. I’m sure many of you struggle with patience too. We have Google, text messages, Netflix, and fast food. Most things are available right now. But sometimes we are forced to wait. For some, maybe it’s waiting on the next vacation and the days drag, or maybe you’re waiting on the job or school you applied to, but haven’t heard back yet. Those who have patience wait well. They have peace. I usually worry. I am anxious. I work. If I can do something extra to influence the outcome, I will. Some of this work is productive; usually it isn’t. I hate when a situation is out of my control and I can’t influence it. I think a big part of patience is trust. Trust in yourself that you’ve done the best you can. Trust in others that they will come through. Trust in God to help us through any outcome. To be patient requires peace. And peace requires trust.

The Boss

Bosses. Even good ones can sometimes make us shake our head or wish we were in charge. Bad ones make us dread going to work every day and give us something to complain about. My boss, the president of the non-profit, has given me great freedom to run operations here. I’ve definitely enjoyed that. It’s good to be the boss. But after being left to my own devices when he flew back the states the day after I arrived, and later when he cancelled his week-long visit in early September, there have been times I have felt stranded on an island. The biggest stressor has been finances. Only the president has signatory power on the company accounts, so all of our dealings the past 6 weeks have been cash. Like the president, I am the only other volunteer or unpaid worker. I actually even agreed to pay rent to live onsite the first two months. We ran through all the cash and my two months’ rent about a week before the president was supposed to return to Haiti. To ensure we had food, water, and gas for the vehicles and generator, I used another couple hundred dollars of my own money to keep the company running and us surviving. Two days before his arrival, I received a text from him telling me he wasn’t going to be making the trip to Haiti. I was disappointed and angry. Almost immediately I was on the phone asking him to wire money for the coming month and payback the money I had used for August. It was another five days before he made the wire transfer and I was in his ear daily. Was I frustrated that I was putting money into running the company? That my workers hadn’t been paid in over two months? Extremely. Was I patient with the situation? Not at all. I yelled at my boss. I pleaded with him to explain the financial situation. While some of my actions may have been justified, I was more anxious than I should have been. My boss has his faults, but he is a good man and is trying his best to run the company. I wasn’t the best employee to him. The money was wired last Wednesday. Everything turned out okay. Much of my stress was unnecessary and unproductive.

Dogma

Haiti is approximately 55% catholic.  I am catholic.  Unfortunately, I am not friends nor work with a single practicing catholic in Port-au-Prince.  The first weekend I was here, I went to church with someone I met on the plane.  It reminded me of the mega-churches back home.  There was a rock band and pastor that spoke slowly, forcefully, and loud!  The church provided headphones that converted Creole to English so I could follow along.  It was solid and I enjoyed it!  The attendees consisted of about half white westerns on mission trips and half Haitians.  In subsequent weekends, I have gone to various catholic churches only to have missed a changed mass time or cancelled service.  I would sit in the empty church and go through the daily readings and reflections.  This past Sunday I attempted mass at Missionaries of Charity again.  Their 6:30 am mass boasted the only English mass in Port-au-Prince.  After leaving my site at 5:45 am to make it there on time, I was told upon arrival that the priest had switched the mass time to 11 am.  I wanted to scream!  This setback allowed time for a leisurely brunch, some GRE studying, and wandering back to the mission to ensure I didn’t miss church yet again.  The mass kicked off at 11:45 am.  Besides the priest, I was the only dude in attendance.  The rest of the crowd were nuns from Mother Teresa’s order.  It was a beautiful service.  One of the sisters kept sharing her music and books with me.  It was very cute.  And after all of the effort and long wait to attend a catholic mass, I felt at home.

The Fast and the Furious

FdS has two vehicles.  One box truck similar to medium-sized U-Haul and one SUV.  The SUV is a 2002 Isuzu Trooper.  It’s a piece of junk.  Last Thursday after work, myself and a couple of the other Haitians went to visit one of our coworkers who had developed bronchitis.  On our way back, I was going to be dropped off at a burger joint to meet with a friend and eat some American food.  About 10 minutes from the restaurant, we had a break failure.  We made it back to FdS ever so slowly by downshifting and using the clutch.  And even though I was disappointed and frustrated I didn’t get to go out, my friend brought a burger by the site for me. On Friday we had a great mechanic who repaired the brakes and the Trooper was drivable again.  Everything worked out again, despite my stress.

On Sunday I drove the Trooper on my church adventure and stopped at a hotel on my back to FdS to get a meal, relax, and swim in their pool.  When I saw some rain clouds in the distance and tried to leave, the Trooper wouldn’t start.  I asked a couple of Haitians for a jump and they spent about 45 minutes with me trying to start the car.  No dice!  I bummed a ride part of the way back and then walked the rest of the way.  Normally this wouldn’t have been a problem, except the skies opened up to a torrential downpour.  I was soaked.  I was thankful I was back safe but felt a bit defeated.

After a good night’s sleep, one of the other Haitians on staff and I went with a mechanic to repair the Trooper.  For about $50 total including labor, repairs were complete to two cracked battery posts, power was restored to the windows, horn, and front blinkers that were in disrepair previously.  Sure, the headlights only work on high beams and only one back blinker works, but the SUV was even better shape than when I arrived!

Yesterday, the Trooper died again with an apparent alternator problem, but I aim to get a couple more needed repairs done such as electrically connecting the fuel filter, reconnecting more of the lights, and repair some loose wiring.  It’s two steps forward, one step back.  But I trust that everything will work out.

Wrapping It Up

I’m glad that throughout all my time that the employees and myself are safe.  No one has been robbed or hurt.  We are all in good health.  I know it could be worse.  I remind myself when there are setbacks or projects that are progressing slowly, to keep working smartly, and not focus too much on short term results other than improvement for next time.  Most of the time the situation will work out in the end.  In the 5^th century, a pretty smart guy named Augustine of Hippo said, “Pray as though everything depended on God.  Work as though everything depended on you.”  Put in the effort.  Work hard.  Learn from your mistakes and try again.  But be detached from failure or success that you can’t control.  Be patient and trust that everything will work out.